Fifteen Tips for Muslim Men talking about "Women in Islam"

Some men assume that they are to lead the conversation and some even believe that they know it better. All that arrogance needs to be shed OR stripped

Mike Ghouse

Fifteen Tips for Muslim Men talking about "Women in Islam"Guidance for Muslim men on how to deal effectively with the stereotypes and misperceptions about women in Islam.


http://www.islamfortoday.com/15tips.htm

Sadly, some Muslim men make the problem of outsiders' perception of women in Islam worse without realizing it, instead of clarifying the issue. This is rarely, if ever, done intentionally. However, what’s clear is that some guidelines are necessary for brothers when talking about the issue of women in Islam. Here are some suggested tips:

1. Let the sisters speak

No matter how well-spoken, eloquent or intelligent a brother is, the bottom line is this: he is not a Muslim woman.
That means no matter how much you, as a Muslim man tell a non-Muslim woman how wonderful hijab is, it will be harder for her to accept this because you have never worn Hijab and you are not a woman.
Whenever possible, have sisters answer questions pertaining to Islam and women.

2. Be careful of mixing up the ideal with the reality

One non-Muslim writer once remarked how when talking to Muslims about Islam compared to the West, Muslims take the ideal of Islam and compare it to the reality of the West.
The fact of the matter is there are very ugly realities when it comes to the treatment of women in many parts of the world, including the Muslim world. Muslims must recognize the reality of domestic violence in the community, even though Islamic ideals would never condone such ugly behavior.

3. Don’t sacrifice speaking out against injustice in the name of protecting Islam’s "image"

"Tackle the issue and the image will take care of itself," advises Sr. Kathy Bullock, a convert to Islam based in California. Don’t fall into the tendency to ignore pressing issues for the sake of protecting Islam’s reputation.
In other words, if someone brings up the issue of honor killing in Jordan, acknowledge the reality but make it clear that this is a sin and a crime in Islam and as a Muslim you condemn it. This in itself is enough. Trying to justify or make excuses for it or covering it up is not going to score image points for Islam.

4. Don’t respond to unspoken accusations

A number of times, Muslims automatically start an apologetic tirade defending the status of women in Islam before a person has even said a word. Let the other person initiate questions, and answer calmly and confidently. You may be responding to an accusation that was never even in the person’s mind in the first place.

5. Ask WHY

Do this before launching an apologetic tirade against any accusation. For instance, a man in Spain once approached a scholar, saying he felt Islam was a man’s religion. Before rebutting him, the scholar asked him why he thought this way. The man replied that whenever he looked at mosques, he saw only men.
By knowing why, you can develop your answer accordingly, and tackle the issue head-on in an honest and direct way.

6. Agree with people as much as possible

Start off agreeing with a person. It will completely turn the tables on the discussion, as many people begin discussions on women in Islam assuming Muslims are completely against the notion of women’s rights.

7. If you don’t know something SAY SO

If a person tells you they’re from X country you’ve never heard of and Muslim women are treated in a horrible fashion what can you say about it?
I have never heard of that, and I don’t know are simple enough. Don’t start apologizing, or denying that it happens. Tell the truth.

8. Don’t be condescending

In Islam, looking down on a fellow human being is a sin, whether the person is a male or a female. Don’t think you know all there is to know about women in Islam, and don’t speak in this manner either. Allah does not love arrogance, and only Allah has full knowledge of all things.

9. Don’t interrupt

This is a problem in a number of cultures, men interrupting women and other men when they speak. Not only is this rude behavior, it takes away from your message. People are less likely to listen to you if you come across as a rude boorish individual. Don’t do this to others, especially sisters.

10. Don’t assume all Muslim sisters are the same

Just because your mom, who was born and brought up in a Muslim country, and has never had a problem with hijab does not mean that other Muslim sisters have the same experience.
Muslim sisters are as different as brothers, as are their experiences with issues like hijab.

11. Become more attuned to the "new Muslim woman"

Muslim sisters today are not the same as those of yesterday. Many Muslims sisters know more, and they prefer more interactive lectures as opposed to the passive style normally used. If you’re giving a talk, be ready to have interjections from Muslim sisters. Welcome these, don’t shun them.

12. Choose your words very carefully

If you’re doing a presentation on women’s issues in Islam or responding to a basic question, make sure to choose your words extremely carefully. Know the exact dictionary meaning, as well as the meaning in everyday usage. Words are extremely powerful, and they leave an imprint on the hearts and minds of people. You want that imprint to be positive, so be careful.

13. Actions speak louder than words

You can speak beautifully about women in Islam on behalf of the Muslim Students’ Association (MSA), but if throughout the year, sisters have been denied access to the prayer room, or the right to participate in decision-making in the MSA, then think of how silly your talk is.Make sure your personal and organizational behavior falls in line with your words.

14. Don’t stereotype all Western women

"Table dancers" or "cheerleaders" is how one Muslim sister described the way Muslims tend to stereotype all Western women. Let’s not forget: we hate it when Muslim women are stereotyped as oppressed, so we should not be doing the same to others.
And lest we forget, a growing number of Western women are becoming our Muslim sisters, and very practicing ones at that.

15. Seek women’s perspective on issues

You know mom, who loves you so much and makes your dinner? She’s a woman. Your sister in school? She’s a woman. If you’re blessed to be surrounded by practicing Muslim sisters in your home, take advantage of this by seeking their views on issues like hijab, domestic violence, community participation, and media stereotypes. There’s nothing like hearing the truth presented from those who truly live it.

Michelle Bachman, a submissive wife, what does it mean?

CNN interviews a psychologist to explain the term as expressed by Michelle Bachman. Link follows my note.

 Aren't the responses similar to Muslim responses? Religion is about justice, inclusiveness and common goodness.

Bassam A. Abed & Syed E. Ahmad write;

Under Islam, men and women are deemed full and equitable partners of each other. In familial terms “[h]e is the father, she is the mother, and both are essential for life. Her role is not less vital than his.” “By this partnership, she has an equal share in every aspect. She is entitled to equal rights, she undertakes equal responsibilities, and she has as many qualities and as much humanity as her partner.” This equitable relationship between the husband and the wife must be one of love, mercy, tranquility, and kindness.

The most important component of a healthy Islamic marital relationship is that the couple lives in tranquility, with love and mercy for each other.

Equity and love between the husband and the wife is also metaphorically spoken of in the Qur’an when it states, “They are your garments and ye are their garments….” Scholars have interpreted this to mean that husbands and wives need mutual support, mutual comfort, and mutual protection. It is also a reference to the fact that spouses are each other’s sanctuary insofar as each covers the others’ shortcomings and preserves his or her privacy; hence the tranquility and harmony.

Mike Ghouse

VIDEO: http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/08/12/bachmann-faces-theological-question-about-submissive-wives-at-debate/?&hpt=hp_c2

 Bachmann faces theological question about submissive wives at debate
 
By Eric Marrapodi, CNN Belief Blog Co-Editor

(CNN)– Thursday night in the Fox News GOP debate in Ames, Iowa, Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minnesota, was asked by columnist Byron York whether she would be "submissive to her husband" if she were elected president.


Before the congresswoman had a chance to answer, a chorus of boos rang down from the audience.


"Thank you for that question, Byron," Bachmann responded with a wry smile. "Marcus and I will be married for 33 years this September 10. I'm in love with him. I'm so proud of him. What submission means to us, it means respect. I respect my husband. He's a wonderful godly man and great father.


"He respects me as his wife; that's how we operate our marriage," she continued. "We respect each other; we love each other. I've been so grateful we've been able to build a home together. We have wonderful children and 20 foster children. We've built a business and life together, and I'm very proud of him."


"She answered it the most appropriate way in the context it was being asked. She was being asked a deeply theological question in front of millions of Americans," said Gary Marx, the executive director of the Faith and Freedom Coalition. "That's why there was such a strong and visceral booing over the very premise of the question."


Marx, who was in the balcony at the debate Thursday, said that for Iowa evangelicals, this is a nonissue.


"Most evangelicals know it's not easy to teach in a 30-minute sermon on Sunday. It's impossible to answer in a minute sound bite. Her answer about respect is the only one that can be given," he said.


The question of wives being submissive to their husbands comes from a passage in the New Testament in Paul's letter to the Ephesians. The letter was originally written in Greek, and there are various translations of the Greek word Paul uses.


"Whatever someone thinks Paul means of submission of wives to husbands ... it doesn't leave any room for exploitation," said David Matthewson, an associate professor of New Testament at Denver Seminary. "I would say her response was very consistent with the text."


In the New International Version translation of the Bible, the version most preferred by evangelical Christians and nondenominational churches, a camp Bachmann has said she belongs to, Ephesians 2:22-24 are translated as:


"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."


The letter goes on to say in verse 25:


"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."


"The English word 'submit' is as good a translation as any without using a bunch of words. The problem, though, is the word 'submit' in English carries connotations for most readers that may not have been there in the Greek," Mathewson said. "In English, we think of forced submission or exploiting. ... I don't think that's in the Ephesians passage."


In the King James Version, the first mass-produced English translation of the Bible, the word is translated as "submit."


In Eugene Peterson's translation of the Bible, "The Message," which aims to use more common English, he translates submissive as "understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ."


Historically, the fifth chapter of Ephesians has been taken in context of Paul's writings to mean Christian spouses should operate as loving equals, though the word "submissive" has long been a divisive one for Christian women.


"It seems it's been, in the 20th century, to have caused a lot of issues in North American Christianity," Mathewson said.


Former Alaska Gov. Sara Palin, another prominent evangelical politician, weighed in on the issue Friday in Iowa.


Palin told CNN's Don Lemon, "That's her opinion, that, to her, submission to her husband means respecting her husband, and I respect my husband, too."


Lemon asked, "If (husband) Todd said don't run, would you not run?"


"I can't imagine my husband ever telling me what to do politically," Palin responded. "He has never told me what to do when it comes to a political step, and I appreciate that. I respect you for that, Todd; thank you."


Bachmann identifies herself as an evangelical Christian. Her congressional office said recently that she has been attending a nondenominational church as her schedule allows.


She has shown over the years that she is fluent in "Christianese," using words and phrases that ring true to evangelical listeners.


She has long been a darling of evangelical voters, serving as keynote speaker at anti-abortion events in Washington and making the rounds at prayer rallies at the Capitol. It is one of the reasons she is expected to do well in Iowa, where the GOP base is filled with evangelical voters.


Her faith has caused a few bumps in the road in the campaign. Her husband's Christian counseling program came under fire by critics for a controversial therapy. She formally pulled her membership in her former church days before she formally announced that she was seeking the White House.


But Marx points out that fielding a question like this in a debate only helps her. "In Iowa, it reiterates that evangelical identity she has."


And, he noted, the last Republican to win the Iowa caucus in 2008, former Southern Baptist preacher Mike Huckabee, got asked a lot of questions about the finer points of his faith, too.

Where are the women?

http://worldmuslimcongress.blogspot.com/2008/06/where-are-women.html

Article by Jeewan Chanicka follows my comments;

Insecure men seek refuge in mis-interpreting Hadith or even Qur’aan to have their way in family or community matters. Most times, it is really not about religion, it is about their insecurities.

They have to feel superior by pushing the women behind; it has worked in older societies, and women also have fed the ego of the insecure men that they are right… or have backed off due to the pressures from the men.

In the next decade, all those attitudes will gradually vanish, men will not only feel women are their equal partners in life, but they will also act on it and will not feel insecure any more. Women will start feeling that they are equally partners in contributing towards living a good life, a balanced life of both Deen and Duniya. That is one of the chapter in my coming book, Insha Allah; The American Muslim Agenda.

Mike Ghouse

http://www.worldmuslimcongress.com/

Where are the women?
By: Jeewan Chanicka
Jeewan Chanicka

From the pulpit to the preachers, many often proclaim Islam's liberation of women 1400 years ago. After all Islam did recognize that women possessed souls -this acknowledged only over the past 100 years in Christianity and Islam did give women the right to vote -yet another relatively recent phenomena in Western society. We are quick to convince skeptics of Islam's superiority in that the first martyr in Islam was a woman, the first to accept Islam was Khadijah, the first nurse was Rufaida, that the one from whom we have learned one third of our faith was Aisha. (May Allah be pleased with them all.)

And why should we not feel proud of such a legacy when this legacy has produced scholarship and numerous examples of leadership, virtue and excellence. Women who, for all intents and purposes, outshone many of their male counterparts despite their "gender."

However if we were to take a critical look at our community today we would be hard-pressed to find the likes of Aisha, Fatima, Nusaybah and many others. We would first have to look behind the barriers erected in the masajid, or call on them at their homes where they have been relegated to housework by the male-dominated and chauvinistic practices that have permeated the Muslim community.

Virtue today as imposed (or should I say "encouraged") upon Muslim women dictates that a woman should be fully covered (the more the better), that she stays at home and raises the children and fulfill her husband's every wish and desire. It is better that she stays inside than walk outside lest she be a temptress and cause someone to commit sin by looking at her, that she should be silent because her voice is her cover. Should she have questions, it is best that she write them and "fly them" over the barriers so that someone would by chance pick it up and read it and perhaps give her an answer.

We the men, the "proper leaders" know that women come from the rib of man and that it is bent and cannot be made straight, that women are highly emotional and of course have that "menstrual thing", which incapacitates their ability to make proper decisions and to function in a "normal way". There is no way that they can contribute to Islamic work because their voices and "grace" make them weaknesses for men and so it is in keeping with piety that we shut them out and lock them away. After all, men being the rational thinkers are capable of making decisions for women who are in constant need of our superior knowledge.

Hence we do not need them on the boards of our institutions; we fail to put them in leadership positions because it is not compatible with their "feminine nature". As one imam once said, they may start to "fraternize with the men". In keeping with this, we do not really need to give them a big space at the mosque because they should pray at home. Should we be so generous as to offer them some space, we must ensure that it is fully sealed so that there is not enough ventilation and that they are trapped within the confines of limited space with 20 crying babies. It is ok if they don't hear anything because they don't really need that much knowledge, even though the lap of the mother is the first school of the ummah. As long as we don't hear or see them, then all is well.

We should not shame them by giving them the ability to communicate their ideas, thoughts or wishes because we already know them. So we are locking them up for their own good. Anyone who dares to question this must be outside of the proper understanding of Islam. There seems to be some discrepancy between what is said on the pulpit about the excellence of the earlier women and how it translates to reality for our sisters. It has further allowed the perpetuation of blatant double standards in terms of what women and men can and cannot do. Usually men can engage in numerous activities, which if done by women, would cause their commitment to Islam to be questioned.

Women comprise about half of our community, yet they must still compete to have their voices heard, to have space, to be able to go to functions that take into consideration that they need to bring their children. More often than not, when there are issues involving our sisters, they are "dealt with" by the men. When any sisters dare to challenge this, they automatically are branded as western-styled feminists who are trying to sully the sanctity of Islamic values and ideals.
Yet if one were to look on campuses and in general community work the faith based work of this community is being carried on the shoulders of Muslim women. Many whom would ordinarily be silenced are finding their niches and are doing their bit to fulfill their covenant in enjoining right and forbidding evil and in spreading this deen. In fact, women in our community are the flag-bearers of Islam, particularly those who wear hijab because they are easily identifiable. When walking down the street, it is those whom we notice as being Muslim and those who are approached and asked about Islam.

We tend to answer in utopian terms, when asked about our glorious past and ignore the wrongdoing that has been taking place today. It behooves us (men) to believe that we can be wrong or may have wrong understandings of the seerah (biography of Prophet Muhammad) and the place of women in society.

It would appear though that having shut women out of the community has allowed them now to approach Islam and Islamic work with less baggage than men. Men have inherited much cultural baggage that they still keep with them today, cultural practices that have become engrained in our daily practices as being Islamic. As Muslim women return to the authentic understanding of the Qur'an and Seerah, they are in a better position to take on this work and fulfill its requirements.

Islamic work in North America and the world will never be successful until women are completely integrated within the framework of leadership, decision-making and shura. While no one is arguing for "free intermingling" or a neglect of duties of motherhood or the negation of fiqh (and its proper application) there is a need for discussion and critical deconstruction of some of the cultural practices that have become mainstays in our community.

The argument that the time of the prophet was different and now is a time of fitna holds no weight, especially when one considers that the earliest generation of Muslims was in one of the most corrupt societies that existed. Yet women played a vibrant part of its growth and development. They were consulted when decisions were to be made, they were included in matters affecting society's growth and development, some were teachers and others were poets, others fought in war, all this, while still following Allah's commands and the examples of his prophet. There are no shortages of examples of this in the seerah, though they tend to be ignored.

We are quick to point to the fact that we are leaders and have the "last say". Perhaps there is a need to analyze our understanding of leadership. Is a leader one who ignores the needs of others, makes all the decisions and is scared of debate and consultation? The prophet peace be upon him was the opposite of this. He was the best of leaders as he consulted with others and led by example. He was most kind and in fact said that "the one who is best, is the one who is best to his family and I am the best to my family". It may be that we are afraid that women will perform some of the duties we have been doing better than we have, that their knowledge may be more sound and that they may be more fit for leadership positions than those who have traditionally held the reigns. Even in this regard, we seem to forget the just leadership of the Queen of Sheba or a tradition that is rich with female scholarship. If we are sincere in wanting to do what Allah requires of us, we need to be open to this dialogue, admit our injustices to our sisters, ask for forgiveness and try to move forward. A bird can only fly if it flaps both wings.

Allah has made women our equal counterparts and they bring value and insight inherent with their nature that we may not think about or know of. Some scholars explain that women are the spiritual anchors of society. If we are sincere, we need to realize that in many ways we are oppressing our sisters and when we shut women out of leadership roles, banish them to domestic spaces, pretend that we can speak on their behalf, we are oppressing the very ones under whose feet lies paradise. The issues of leadership and involvement are not black and white and those sisters and brothers advocating for change are not asking for all values and standards to be dropped or changed. Instead we are asking for justice and fairness.

Sisters should be a part of the majlis-shura in the masajid and various institutions because leadership (and I am not speaking about being imam here) should be defined based on qualification and not gender. Shura entails that we take the voices of the varying members of our community into consideration. We need to ensure that sisters are able to have equal access to speakers and knowledge so that they are able to grow and learn themselves. Our primary consideration should not be how big a barrier is and whether or not it touches the ceiling. Most importantly we have to let sisters represent themselves, we should not speak for them but with them. The realization should be based upon the trust that women are our partners in establishing Islam in the world and do not have ulterior motives of "fraternizing with the opposite sex." They too want to work with us to benefit Islam, Muslims and society in general.

Muslims have a standard that has to be adhered to as defined by the Qur'an and the practice of the prophet pbuh. We need to rise to the challenge of implementing this within our daily lives, to adhere to its boundaries and to challenge our own bias and (mis)-interpretations of it's application. As men, it is time that we acknowledge the struggles of our sisters (both within and without our community) and it is even more important to recognize the privilege that we have enjoyed due to no real merit but simply because of our gender. If we want to please Allah and to be true to our covenant of bringing this deen to the people around us, it is necessary for us to address these issues. Until such time we will be held accountable before Allah when people reject our self-styled versions of Islam.

Jeewan Chanicka is a contributing writer for Young Muslims Canada website.

Films focus-Muslim women

A fresh focus on Muslim women
New film festival seeks to challenge old stereotypes
By Leslie Brokaw
April 13, 2008

Aiming to present a "stereotype-defying tour of the Muslim world's diversity and complexity," the festival says it's chosen movies with central characters who are especially "think-different women" - people who challenge extremism and "offer rarely heard iconoclastic voices."

Irshad Manji is one of those voices. "Faith Without Fear," which opens the festival tomorrow at 6:30 p.m. in the Sargent Building at Boston University, is a look by Manji - journalist, director of the Moral Courage Project at New York University, and author of the 2004 bestseller "The Trouble With Islam Today: A Muslim's Call for Reform in Her Faith" - at the risks and promises of having a conversation about reform.

"A couple of years after the family settled down, my dad discovered free baby-sitting services at Rose of Sharon Baptist Church," writes Manji, who immigrated as a child from Uganda to Canada in 1972, in her book. As her mom went out to sell Avon door-to-door, Manji settled into Bible study classes and exhibited enough curiosity to win the Most Promising Christian of the Year Award.

Thus began a lifetime of embracing, questioning, and challenging.

Raquel Evita Saraswati from Manji's Project Ijtihad, an initiative to "help build the world's most inclusive network of reform-minded Muslims and non-Muslim allies," will lead a discussion after the movie.

Other films include "Mrs. President: Women and Political Leadership in Iran," about six of the 47 Iranian women who registered as candidates for Iranian president in 2001 and were disqualified by ruling clerics. That film's producer, Shahla Haeri, is director of Boston University's Women's Studies Program and will speak after the Thursday 6:30 p.m. screening at BU.

"Shadya" is a profile of 17-year-old Shadya Zoabi: Muslim Arab, Israeli, feminist, soon-to-be-wife - and world champion in karate. It plays Wednesday. Peabody award-winning filmmaker Paul Freedman's "Sand and Sorrow" is a documentary about Darfur refugees and the Displaced Persons camps, and includes commentary from New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof and Nobel Laureate Elie Wiesel, with narration by George Clooney. It plays on Tuesday.

Festival curator Mohammed Harba is a 27-year-old filmmaker from Iraq now living in Massachusetts. Five years ago, he partnered with Seth Moulton, a US Marine lieutenant from Massachusetts, on a news show for Iraqi television called "Moulton and Mohammed" about the life in that country after the US-invasion. Both men became well known in Iraq for their presentation of both the good and the bad happening in the country.

The festival is presented by the American Islamic Congress in conjunction with the Women's Studies Program at Boston University, the Pathways Interfaith Initiative at Tufts University, the Global Film Initiative, and Americans for Informed Democracy. A shorter version of the program is running concurrently in Washington, D.C.

Screenings take place on seven evenings between tomorrow and April 30, on the campuses of Boston University, Tufts University, and Endicott College. The schedule is online at muslimfilm.org, or call 617-266-0080 for more information.

more stories like thisCONVERSATIONS WITH: Journalist and director Polly Devlin will be at the Harvard Film Archive tonight at 7 with her 1990 one-hour work "The Daisy Chain," a documentary about a boarding school. The project erupted into a tempest for Devlin when a subject withdrew her cooperation.

"Amid the accusations of manipulation and betrayal, the viewer can never be certain of the truth, never sure when the protagonists are performing for the camera and when they are genuinely its victims," Devlin says in a statement provided by the archive.

"Just before the screening the then-director of [my] film school refused to allow it to be shown," she says. "I was not allowed to graduate." Devlin says that she withdrew the film and has not shown it for nearly 20 years.

Jennifer Fox brings her three-hour work "Flying: Confessions of a Free Woman" to the MFA this week. The five-year project is a document of Fox's love life and those of women in 17 countries, asking questions such as whether choice equals happiness and what sexual freedom really means. It will be presented in two parts: the first half on Thursday at 7 p.m. and Saturday at 2:30 p.m., and the second half on Friday at 8 p.m. and Saturday at 7 p.m. Fox will be present at the Thursday and Friday shows.

SCREENINGS OF NOTE: The Belmont World Film series closes tonight with the New England premiere of "Irina Palm," which premiered at last year's Berlin Film Festival and stars Marianne Faithfull. That's at 7:30 p.m. at the Studio Cinema in Belmont (617-484-3980 and belmontworldfilm.org).

"Then She Found Me," starring Helen Hunt as a teacher getting over a separation from her husband (Matthew Broderick) by dating a student's parent (Colin Firth), gets a pre-release screening by the Boston Jewish Film Festival at the West Newton Cinema on Thursday at 7 p.m. Northampton-based Elinor Lipman, who wrote the book on which the movie is based, will be at the show (617-244-9899 and bjff.org).

Leslie Brokaw can be reached at lbrokaw@globe.com.
http://www.boston.com/ae/movies/articles/2008/04/13/a_fresh_focus_on_muslim_women/